I am embarrassed to admit it but for some reason I cannot remember what the name is of my Biology teacher in matric was called. I think it was something along the line of Bourensa…Borensee? Something with a B that’s for certain. I’m somewhat shocked by my terrible memory as she was one of my favourite teachers.
I remember Miss Tucker who tore apart my Science Expo project, Miss Tanner Ellis who taught me for the first half of my first year in high school and always had perfect hair, and Miss Moreira …I’m sure the spelling is wrong on that one who used to let me cut my classmates hair in class, but for the life of me I cannot remember Mrs B’s actually name.
What I do remember about Mrs B is that she taught me about the human body, including a small section dedicated to studying the nose. I’ve been thinking about Mrs B a lot lately as I’m sure she would have the answer to my question: why my one nostril continues to run while the other is dry as a nun’s gusset?
Left nostril I know you have always been slightly larger than my right ‘runt’ of a nostril but why do u insist on providing me with an endless supply of snot?
If this is a cry for help, I’m listening, I promise I’m listening. Are you trying to be different? So different in fact that you lead me to blow my nose incessantly leaving tender red spots on each side of my nose? Why do you have to torture right nostril like this? Surely she didn’t do anything and if she did I’m not sure this is the correct punishment.
You do realise the consequences of your actions do you not? The sides of my nose will be red and sore for at least a week after you are done playing this sill game you insist on. Not only are you causing me pain but your incessant sniffing and my continuous spluttering are really starting to piss of the people in my office. Every time I approach anyone I see how they look at you, looking into your germ infested depths, they know the horrors you hold waiting for the perfect time to sneeze and coat them with your contagion.
To my dearest right nostril you are clearly being a real bitch, I suggest you apologise before this all goes any further than it already has.
To my dearest left nostril this is my plea to you to stop. So stop, all demands made will be met.