My advice: stick to your shade of lipstick, pink is most definitely your colour.

Yes, I see it okay. I see the irony in my writing this post but I could not let this one go.

Few things in this world make me angry and one of them is complete ignorance. I’m sure a few of you may have seen The Christowitz Report circulating on Facebook and most likely ruining your Friday afternoon. Now I will admit when the first post came out I was slightly amused if not taken aback by the use of every swear word in the book.

Then came week two, I felt like I was watching an accident happen in slow motion and I still haven’t been able to look away. Then came the ‘I hate nature post’, I read it bemused and later discussed it with a friend of mine, both of us while reading it had felt inclined to write a blog post in reply to the rant but had denied ourselves the satisfaction. Having read this week’s report I simply could not resist.

The report claims that the point is to make people laugh “That’s the f&*king point. To the few of you who still don’t get the point of all this… maybe private school was a waste of your parents’ money.” The thing is that it’s not, perhaps it started out as funny, even I can admit that and sure parts of it are still rather humorous but where the report fails is where it dips its toes into the realm of actual opinion.

The reports uninformed rant about ‘down-the-middle-ness’ in my opinion is probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever had the misfortune of reading. A rant that stands against girls wearing pink lipstick, bad action movies and nature is standing for something? Perhaps you have a future in South African politics.

“Love some shit! Hate some shit! Make a decision and stick by it. Form an opinion and fight to defend it. Believe in something! Yank the double-sided dildo of mediocrity and indifference out of your ass and do something. Anything. It doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong or if you fail or succeed, just do it.” Encouraging people to stand for something, anything is just plain idiotic. There was once a man who hated Jews and loved killing them, he stuck by that decision and we are all aware he fought to defend it, he sure as hell believed in it. I presume it doesn’t really matter if he was right or wrong?

Sure we are encouraged to have opinions, but these opinions simply must be informed or they are harmful or just plain annoying. Pray tell, what is the use of an opinion on ‘Mall Dawdlers’? Is that not closer to mediocrity than anything else we may encounter in this world and I’m assured that an irrelevant opinion is just as useless and indifferent as no opinion at all.

Anyone with half an education surely must be fuming at this insult to their intelligence, sure we can ignore opinions and blogs such as the aforementioned, sure entering into a discussion about it is ironic but surely that is the point?

They say that you are only writing something worthwhile if people are complaining about it. In this case they are complaining because it’s ignorant, sensationalist rubbish and that, is not worth a dime.

My advice: stick to your shade of lipstick, pink is most definitely your colour.

 

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And I said: what, why? Why do you need to know? What does it matter?

We’ve grown up being told we need a reason for everything, that there’s a meaning behind every single thing and if only you figure out what it is, you’ll succeed, you’ll have made it. Wake up, make your bed, get out, be nice, work hard, eat well, be nicer, work harder, read good books, say your prayers, go to sleep, have peaceful dreams. Repeat.

But it’s not for us, darling, it never was. I don’t believe in a higher meaning, nor do I need a purpose to live for. I believe in us, in life, in the magical reality of everything around us. Look at it, then look again, look harder because I can’t make you see until you want to. 
This is it. This is all there is to it, and it’s wonderful enough as it is. I don’t believe in god or praying. In don’t believe in heaven or hell. There’s no afterlife I’m hoping for, no deadline I’m dreading. I don’t need to know what we’re put on earth for – I don’t believe we were put on earth to begin with. We became and here we are.

Insignificant to the universe, we could easily not have been here and all would still be as it is. But we’re here now and for that we’re infinitely blessed. You get to feel the cherry blossoms in your hands. Swim in cold water while the sun rises and warms your shoulders. Make love and cry because you’re sad or cry because you’re happy and never have to explain, because the tears stain all the same. You get to grow and dance and drink and see the world in every place you travel to. See birthmarks on your skin develop into patterns that mirror constellations if only you’d look long enough. I’ve got Orion on my thigh and your back’s just one mark short of Cassiopeia.

If you take us all apart, you’d find we’re all made of stardust – as are the trees, the frogs, the grass as well as the dew on it – why would we be any more special? I’ve never seen a tree stop mid-sway to contemplate why it’s moving and if it’ll ever get any closer. It sways and sways and sways and pretends it makes the same wind blow that it is rocking to.

We hold remnants of long lost stars in our veins. That’s not an answer, but it’s still magnificent and nothing can ever be both pointless and magnificent.

From the thought catalog

Ways your life will change once you get a full-time job

 1. You’ll actually have $$$$.

Just kidding! No one has money. Ever! Having a job might just change you from being “poor” to “perpetually broke.” Who makes money at a job anyway? Unless you majored in “How To Be A Corporate Whore” at an Ivy League, expect to live paycheck to paycheck in your twenties.

2. You’ll feel less anxiety when people ask “So what do you do?” at parties.

I don’t care if your full-time job is licking envelopes at a nuclear waste plant, it’s an accomplishment if you’ve managed to secure a salaried position ANYWHERE. There’s no greater shame than when someone asks you what your job is and you have to respond, “Well, my main job right now is finding a job. It takes up a lot of time, if you can believe it!” Embarrassment needs to go out the window in this economy. Feel pride that you’re getting paid to do something at all!

3. It won’t be uncommon to not see your best friend for two weeks.

My best friend and I both work very demanding jobs and sometimes I feel like our friendship has been reduced to the old cliche of “Catch up at happy hour to talk about how busy we are!” Sometimes it makes me sad. I want to see him more but there honestly doesn’t seem to be any time. It’s crazy. In college, we would see each other almost every day but now that we’re working, time seems to literally get deleted from our lives. Two weeks feels like two days and all of a sudden, you realize you haven’t seen anyone besides your roommate and co-workers. It sucks you into this vortex and spits you out at the occasional catch-up lunch to reassemble the pieces of your social life.

4. You’ll kind of grow up.

Once you get a full-time job, you’ve officially become an adult. Barring getting fired and having random stretches of unemployment, this will be your life until you retire or die. It’s crazy to think about. I’m not a spoiled brat when it comes to working — I love to work — but it is nuts trying to understand that this is forever. You’ll be working full-time forever because you need to support yourself to live. Your whole life up until this point has included a new transition every few years. Things were changing all the time but now you’re here. Doing the same thing for an indefinite period of time. Whenever this thought starts to overwhelm me though, I just think back to the year I spent unemployed and breathe a giant sigh of relief. I made it!