I Didn’t Think About You Once Today

I didn’t think about you once today, for the first time since I met you. When I woke up this morning, my first thought was simply that it was too cold to get out of bed; I did not wish that you were there beside me. I went to the closet and got dressed without thinking about whether or not you liked the shirt I was putting on, didn’t think about whether you’d already seen me in the sweater I layered over it. I skipped breakfast, as I always do, and I didn’t hear your voice chastising me in the back of my head,  I just glanced at the clock, grabbed my keys, and shut the door firmly behind me.

I didn’t see anyone who reminded me of you on my way to work. I didn’t hear anyone who had your laugh, didn’t see anyone sporting the same shoes you wear.

At the office, I answered phones, got coffee, checked emails, sorted paperwork, chatted with coworkers, spaced out, got stuff done, all without interruption. When my boss handed me a bunch of work right before it was time to leave, I didn’t have to suppress the urge to text you and complain, didn’t even think back to a time when something like this would have made me late to have dinner with you. I made it home eventually, and when I got there I called up a friend and asked if he wanted to come over and watch television with me. He did. We laughed, we made popcorn, we had a great time, and not once did either of us mention your name.

I went out for a run with my iPod on shuffle, and I heard a song we danced to together at our favorite bar, the night you wore a dark gray t-shirt and I ordered my usual, one shot too many. But that memory of you didn’t accompany it this time.  I didn’t care that you weren’t with me,  I just kept on running.

As I’m lying here in bed, about to close my eyes and drift off to a place where I will not dream of you, this is when I realise I haven’t thought about you today. Some might say this realization ends my streak-of-not-thinking-of-you, that I’ve inadvertently let your ghost return to haunt me once again, but this is not true at all. See, in thinking about how I haven’t thought of you, I’m not really thinking about you at all — I’m finally thinking about me.

You’re just an idea now, a dark shadow, something I’m only considering as it relates to my own evolution. I’m recalling what I used to be like when you were all I ever thought about, when you seemed to own my thoughts morning, noon, and night. I’m thinking about the tear-stained pillows and empty wine bottles that decorated my room in the time I spent trying to get over you. I’m remembering how badly I longed to free myself from your spell, but secretly believed that day would never come.

And yet, that day is here, that day is today, the day I did not think of you, and I cannot help but smile, for I am finally free. Everyone said it would happen eventually, and I’m happy to report they were right (as they almost always are). I’ve moved on, as we all seem to do eventually. The best part is, I doubt I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow either or ever again.

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72 comments on “I Didn’t Think About You Once Today

  1. sapeli says:

    This was really nice – both the thoughts and the writing. Going through a very similar phase right now. Thank you.

    • Loraine. says:

      Very lovely to read, I as others share your history but for me after more than 20 years and never another relationship all I feel is anger….

  2. Peter says:

    LOL this is all about thinking of him

  3. Allie says:

    I love this! Its so sad though, very relate able! ❤

  4. Lyv says:

    I really appreciate this. I’ve never been on this site, but I “Stumbled Upon” your page and I really appreciate your work, especially this piece of writing. You’re very talented!

  5. Colin says:

    You only thought about the person the entire time you wrote this, which means that you did in fact think about them that day. You’re still not over them.

    • Daniel says:

      I disagree Colin. I think this has more to do with them not constantly thinking about their ex lover and being able to recognise their thoughts as not being largely dominated by the loss of that person. To realise this would have required a thought of that person, but not in the same way that the thoughts would have been in the past. Perhaps he/she is not still over him/her, but I think this passage suggests they are more over them than ever. Most likely he/she is. I’m wondering whether just cause you think of an ex, means you are not over them?

      • Hannah says:

        I don’t think THINKING about an ex means you are not over them. I think whether you are over them or not depends on the way in which you think about them. If you are thinking about whether they disliked a sweater, and that stops you from wearing it, then you are not over them. If you cannot go to a certain restaurant or park or place because you think of them, you are not over them. But when you get to the point where you no longer are swayed by the thoughts you have of them, then you are over them. You can still think of them. It’s only natural. We can’t remove our memories. But if you can think of them, and still feel okay, and still feel happy, then you are over them.

      • I agree. This this person is clearly making personal progress. Moving on takes time, and it’s good to recognize the hurtles you’re overcoming while on a journey like this. And anyways, ex’s are a part of our past. You can reflect on your past and still be over that person…

      • Tabby says:

        I agree, Daniel. I distinctly remember the time when I realized I hadn’t thought about my ex all day. It’s a freeing and monumental moment.

  6. Liz Mayer says:

    Staring at my fish bowl sized glass of wine, knowing and at the same time dreading this day will come for me too. Congratulations.

  7. glossia says:

    This is exactly what I needed. I’m going through that process but I’m not quite there yet. This brings me hope and I love it. Thanks for sharing.

    • abcitsme says:

      I’m so glad it helped, it really does get better and you come out being much happier and having learnt so much.

      • Sandi says:

        This is just the hope I needed today as I close the year and the chapter of my life that is the most painful ever. I know this will happen for me too. Thank you for putting it all so eloquently.

  8. Hanah says:

    I have been there! Reminded me of a terrible phase when I was going through heartbreak. This makes me smile knowing I’m over it.

  9. dolcelle says:

    I don’t understand why people are being nasty and saying you did think about him while writing this. They obviously did not get the point of the blog, or they didn’t read all of it. I on the other hand really enjoyed reading this. Thank you.

  10. sophie says:

    this whole rant was supposed to be about how you didnt think of him when in reality if you didnt think of him in those times, whatever, but you were still thinking of him when you wrote this and alllll those memories were accompanying everything you did that day

  11. Sarah says:

    Stumbled upon this and I was in the exact same situation about a year ago. Excellent writing by the way

  12. Bre says:

    If you didn’t think about them today, why did you feel the need to write an entire blog about them?

    • angelshalosandwings says:

      it’s a way of getting over and realizing that you are there…. in your own space that is not owned by anyone’s thoughts….

  13. analyzethatplease says:

    Reblogged this on back to where we started and commented:
    i know this day. it is a good day. And this line is beautiful:
    You’re just an idea now, a dark shadow, something I’m only considering as it relates to my own evolution.

  14. Susan says:

    Heart-broking 😦

  15. serena says:

    I love how all of the men comment on the fact that this is about the guy so technically she’s still thinking about him. Men. psh. This was beautiful btw I remember when this happened after my first love… took 4 years but hey it was a relief

  16. sugarplumbear says:

    Why is it that the men seem to be leaving negative comments…I guess we all handle things in our own way. For some its easier to cope by not having that person in their life, for others you will always remember.

  17. Kvetching Goy says:

    She still doesn’t love you.

  18. Ginge says:

    I can really relate to this at the moment! It helped a lot 🙂 Good luck, but don’t forget the happiness you had with him.

  19. Marie says:

    Wow. This really reasoned with me. Thank you. I kind of got to this place, but then I keep taking one step forward and two steps back because I still see him a lot due to classes together etc. This blog really made me feel like there’s a difference between missing him all the time and acknowledging that he was there. Thank you, this really meant something to me.

  20. Miss Sparkles says:

    Beautiful! Applies perfectly to me. Thanks so much.

  21. That was beautifully written. This is the first post of yours that I’ve had the pleasure to read, but I’m guessing you have a background in creative writing? Because you could certainly have a future in it! Very engaging 🙂

  22. rm anguiano says:

    Relationships are not blind alleys or inanimate objects If you haven’t taken away something from a relationship then what have you been doing. It seems many couples play house because of the coupling. The inability to internalize a scintilla of another human being sats nothing about human attachment or relationships. It may be hep but it is an indication of something broken inside the person who has devalued another person to zero.
    If your love, or erotic partner was a sadistic masochist and got off on your pain and suffering you can make a case for diminishing the relationship to zero. But even then that will not happen
    What do you think of a person who uses another person only to discard them later on. I see this as a problem of some signifigance with respect to how we treat our fellow human beings. I detect a smug detachment in this essay that places us in a lower level of psyshological functioning that makes us less compassionate human beings.

  23. Reblogged this on All the Words Spoken and commented:
    Nicely stated. Fortunately, not sharing similar feelings these days, but I’ve definitely been there.

  24. Yann says:

    Just been there. It is important to accept that we are made up of our life expriences, both good and bad, but not let them stop us moving on. But this can be tough, some times really really tough.

  25. zak broughan says:

    hahahah im not thinking about you so i wrote 7 paragraphs about it

  26. Michael says:

    As I finished this poem, I realized I hadn’t thought about her today.

    Thank you, it was an amazing read.

  27. Whitney says:

    I’m saving this so I can read it when, I too, am at this point.

  28. Rayyhaiden says:

    this. this is fucking beautiful.

  29. yee says:

    That was very inspirational. Im glad you were finally able to move on and be who you wanted to be. Cheers =]

  30. luke says:

    yeah. lets fuckin’ talk about this.

  31. Zhar says:

    Beautiful words. I’m going through it right now. I will make it.

  32. Beautiful words. I’m in the process of getting over someone and had a mini-breakdown tonight about it. Randomly stumbled upon your page and the things you wrote was truly calming so thanks a lot for that.

  33. Howard Albertsen says:

    I can totally relate to this and its very helpful.

  34. epiCham says:

    Yes, you did think about him during this day. All I can advise you though is that moving on is a step by step process and it takes time. So give time time. Goodluck. 🙂

  35. Hailey says:

    Wow! This is beautiful. I’m going through this too and this part really hit home for me “for I am finally free. Everyone said it would happen eventually, and I’m happy to report they were right (as they almost always are). I’ve moved on, as we all seem to do eventually.”

    Wonderful. I hope that someday soon I too can say that I am finally free. 🙂

    Also, ignore the naysayers’ comments. What you wrote was perfect 🙂

  36. Mewish says:

    That is so relatable </3 loved it

  37. Serafine__ says:

    Beautifully written… I agree with you; “moving on does not mean giving up, but its a choice we make to be happy”.I wish you all the good luck….
    (Reminded me of somehting I posted some time back http://serenestream.wordpress.com/2011/01/16/move-on-and-let-go/)

  38. bre353 says:

    So inspired by this post. I made the mistake of hanging out with my ex for the holidays. And I had fun but he will NEVER change. So thank you for such a great inspirational story on moving on. Us women are ALL beautiful and a man should never make us feel any other way. Thank you.

  39. Ashley says:

    This is so amazing, and I can relate 😦

  40. Noelle says:

    this is exactly what I needed to read right now… hopefully this will happen for me soon.

  41. Reblogged this on In The Land Of Nubia and commented:
    Very Well Written

  42. angelshalosandwings says:

    wow… your thoughts are so real and relatable… they are written so beautifully….
    How did you manage to share such original thoughts with anyone and everyone who knows you or doesn’t know you? I write about travel, motherhood etc. I keep dodging the things I actually want to write and if at all I do write them, I never post them. They are sitting in a folder on my PC.

  43. findingsacha says:

    Along with many of the other readers, I am also trying to find my way out of a heartbreak, to a place where my happiness will not depend on him but rather where I am in my life. This gives me hope and something to look forward to because God knows so many of us need that hope. Thank you!

  44. loberg roofing sucks says:

    Great Inspiring post! I found this blog on blogs of the day which is what you are today! Congrats!

  45. Anonymous says:

    i’m not over my ex-boyfriend yet, but this truly gives me hope. Thank you.

  46. Leticia says:

    That’s so true! It may be a while but that day DOES get here…and it really IS liberating!

  47. Priyanka says:

    An exuberant piece of writing…. I’m in love with every idea it delivers,
    this will surely act as positive wave in my strive!!!
    Thanks a lot!.. 🙂

  48. Jay says:

    Very insightful and obviously heart felt. The way i see it, the only way to get over someone is by finding someone better. Letting new thoughts and hopes of that new person enter your mind replacing the seemingly endless pain you felt. I think now whenever this times comes for me, I will do the same. Thank you

  49. LM says:

    This is beautiful, thank you. I am glad you have reached this place. I can only hope that I am going to get there too… some day.

  50. lewiky019 says:

    Reblogged this on LeWiky and commented:
    I can’t wait for this day either … 🙂

  51. DUH says:

    lol you obvs ar not over the person so… just saying…

  52. Bee says:

    It’s so beautiful.
    It gave me time to reflect over my hurt feelings towards a previous lover, and this post says what I have inside, what I’m yearning for.
    And, it’s very poignant. So beautiful and inspiring

  53. mollsmit says:

    This is beautiful. I am going through this right now and I couldn’t help but to smile as I noticed step by step, I am reaching freedom as well.

    • Christina James says:

      I am going through a similar experience and I cannot wait until I get to this point. I absolutely love this.

  54. I stumbled upon this and I am impressed by your writing–it is incredible. I think your blog is so sincere and truthful. I cannot wait to read more of your posts!

    Please check out/follow my blog! 🙂
    caramelincognito.wordpress.com

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