You know who you are. This is your warning letter.
A few minutes ago a friend of mine invited me to a party. Fair enough, what’s unusual about that you might ask? Well nothing except the event picture was a picture of a girls crotch and the name of the party was :: SUPERDRY PARTY Ft. DJ ANTONIN (PARIS) BY Skyy Vodka :: .
Now let’s start at the beginning. Why would a party advertise itself with an actual picture of someone’s crotch? Sex sells yes, but I thought that was supposed to be in a kind of subtle sexy way. No, apparently it means crotch in ones face sells. I don’t know about you but I really don’t need to see an actual sexual organ to pick up the sexual undertones.
Perhaps people today aren’t as perceptive as they used to be, say back in 2004 when a mere ‘nip slip’ by a leather clad Janet Jackson (or was it Michael, I can never tell the difference), brought the world to a standstill. What Janet Jackson has nipples? She’s using them to sell music? Hulk Hogan used his nipples to sell wrestling and no one ever complained!
Crotch aside, I thought to myself: “let me just click on the crotch, maybe it’s not as bad as it looks.” Sadly it was bad. Oh I couldn’t have prepared myself for the horror that was to ensue. Just like a scary movie, when you are shouting and pleading with the sexy mysterious protagonist not to walk into the dark room, a part of my brain was doing just the same. But of course I ignored the ‘don’t go into the room’ feeling and did it.
Shock and disgust, the name of the event had two colons before the actual start of the name. What does that even mean? Now as far as I know a colon is supposed to inform the reader that what follows the mark proves, explains, or lists elements of what preceded the mark (at least according to Wikipedia). But I mean really now, what does that mean and what’s more what does a double colon mean, is it meant to be ironic? Or was the person who wrote it overdosing on keratin (I’m not sure if that’s even possible) and had a tremor? Could it be simply for decorative purposes? But how would a colon be decorative?
Finally the party’s name is Superdry. Apologies for being unable to write that all in caps lock, it’s against my beliefs of not being a total douche bag. Now what is a ‘superdry’ party, does this mean there will be cover in case of bad weather, or that there will be no running water? Or perhaps a guarantee that there will be no rain, “come to our party not only will it be dry but it will be super dry”. Or perhaps it is a comment on the type of humour that you have to have to enter the party, in that case I will take my pants of and my crotch and I will waltz right on in there.
Next time I get a whiff of a crotch coming from your direction you are dead, at least Facebook dead to me.